The executive appointment release that never names the executive

The release, faults marked

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Corvane Insurance Group Proudly Welcomes Accomplished, Award-Winning, Highly Respected Financial Executive With Decades of Cross-Industry Leadership Experience to Growing Executive Team¹ Corvane Insurance Group, a respected name in the insurance space², is proud and honored to welcome a distinguished new addition to its growing leadership bench. The incoming executive brings decades of experience across multiple industries and has been recognized by numerous organizations for outstanding contributions to the field of finance. The new hire holds an MBA from a top-tier institution³, has served on several boards, and has been named to multiple industry lists over the course of a long and storied career spanning both the public and private sectors. Colleagues describe the new hire as a strategic thinker, a collaborative leader, and a trusted advisor to executive teams. "We are thrilled to have someone of this caliber joining our world-class team,⁴" said a Corvane Insurance Group spokesperson. "This is a tremendous win for our organization." The spokesperson said the hire reflects the company's ongoing commitment to attracting top-tier talent across every level of the organization. Additional details about the position, including the person's name, title and start date, will be shared in a forthcoming internal communication⁵ and updated on the company website in the coming weeks. Corvane Insurance Group has served policyholders for many years.⁶

What is wrong, and the fix

1. 1

   The headline runs past twenty words and never gives the person's name or the exact title.

   Name the person and the exact title in a headline under twelve words.

2. 2

   This is vague filler that tells the reader nothing specific about the company.

   State plainly what the company does and how many policyholders or customers it serves.

3. 3

   The release lists credentials at length while never naming the person those credentials belong to.

   Name the person in the first sentence, then list only the credentials that explain the hire.

4. 4

   The quote is generic enough to describe any hire at any company.

   Quote the hiring executive on the specific reason this person was chosen now.

5. 5

   The release omits the name, title and start date, the three facts a new-hire release must contain.

   Include the name, title and start date in the release itself, not in a later communication.

6. 6

   There is no dateline and no media contact information anywhere in the release.

   Add a city and date at the top and a media contact name, email and phone number at the bottom.