The acquisition release that never says who is buying whom

The release, faults marked

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Two Industry Leaders Join Forces to Create Powerful New Synergies and Unlock Transformational Value for Customers Everywhere¹ Brookhaven Systems and Talon Analytics today announced an exciting combination that brings together two respected organizations to create a powerful new force in the marketplace². The transaction reflects a shared vision for the future and a mutual belief in the strength of the combined organization. Under the terms of the agreement, which were not disclosed, the combined company will operate under a structure to be determined³, with leadership roles to be announced in the coming weeks. The transaction is subject to customary closing conditions and is expected to close at some point in the future. "This is a tremendous step forward for both organizations, and we couldn't be more excited about what lies ahead,⁴" said a joint spokesperson for the companies. "Together, we are stronger." Customers of both companies are encouraged to continue using their existing products as normal, though further details about any changes will be communicated at a later date⁵. Employees of both companies were informed of the transaction earlier this week, and leadership says more information about organizational structure will follow once the deal has closed. Analysts following the space have long expected consolidation among smaller players in the category. Brookhaven Systems and Talon Analytics are both established players in their respective markets.⁶

What is wrong, and the fix

1. 1

   The headline never says which company is acquiring which, or what the deal actually is.

   State plainly which company is buying which in the headline itself.

2. 2

   This is vague corporate language that avoids stating who is acquiring whom or for how much.

   Replace vague phrases like join forces with a direct sentence naming the buyer, the target and the price.

3. 3

   The price, the closing date and the new structure are all missing, the core facts an acquisition release exists to report.

   Give the price if it can be disclosed, and state a real expected closing date.

4. 4

   An unattributed joint quote says nothing specific about either company.

   Attribute a quote to each chief executive by name, each saying something specific.

5. 5

   The release does not say what changes for customers, which is the question they will ask first.

   State directly what does and does not change for customers right now.

6. 6

   There is no dateline, no media contact, and no sentence that actually describes what either company does.

   Add a dateline, one factual sentence about each company, and a media contact block.